i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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