i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
