so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
