you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
