when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
