Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize