I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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