I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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