Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
