We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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