the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
