you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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