I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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