i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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