Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
