the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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