i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize