You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
