Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Drake has all the answers
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
