I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
