Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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