Is it normal to miss your booty call?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
