im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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