At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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