dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
