i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He has the fingertips of a God
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