Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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