wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
