So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
