Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
