he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
