Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
