He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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