i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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