oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
