I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
