i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
