I want to walk on stilts...naked
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
