If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
