yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
