I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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