i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
