I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
