Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
