uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
