My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
