Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
