If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
