Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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