Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
