thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize