I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
