1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
