Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
