That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
