i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
