i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
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