you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
