i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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