I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
