respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish you could order shots online.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
