OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
