I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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