Rock
Scissors
Fuck
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
