I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize