you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
