i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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