I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
This beer is not sobering me up at all
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
