cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
