Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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