Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize