If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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