Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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