My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
