so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
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