I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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