Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
