I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize