Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
