I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
