I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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