how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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