what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
