Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
