....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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