hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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