im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize