All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize