She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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