Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
if only i could text you this smell
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize