Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I faked an abortion last night.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize