He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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